And i will try to fix you
by supernaturalfreak95
Summary: Dean Winchester is broken and finished. After a suicide attempt he is taken to the local hospital where he meets selective mute Castiel Novak. Can they save each other ?. Destiel slight Sabriel in later chapters. This is the first time i've attempted to write something like this so feedback is welcomed with open arms. P.s i suck at summaries.


**The Attempt**

Dean smiled as Sam walked out the door he was going to grab them some beer for tonight as they planned to have a star trek marathon. Dean wouldn't watch those movies tonight. He wouldn't watch those movies ever again. He would never drink a beer with his brother again, or anyone for that matter. He stared at the door long after Sam had closed it. He pushed himself to walk into the bathroom if he didn't do this now he never would. He looked at himself in the small mirror above the sink. His eyes looked different. They used to be so bright. Had they ?. He could hardly remember anymore. There was nothing before this. Just the pain and anger and hatred. There was nothing before this and nothing after that's why he was doing this. He shook his head he could hear himself breathing he was gulping in a lungful of air savoring the feeling, tears streamed down his cheeks and with a shaky hand he opened the small bottle of sleeping pills. And that was all he could remember.  
He opened his eyes it was dark. Was he dead ?. Was this what being dead was like. He tried to push himself up but his arms were strapped down, the sheets were crisp and were loud in the too quiet room. The sheets and the familiar smell of disinfectant told him where he was, he was in hospital. He tried to swallow over the lump in his throat but it felt raw like he had swallowed glass. His head was pounding and his heart was racing. It shouldn't be racing. It shouldn't be beating. He laid his head back on to the cold pillow tears streaming down his cheeks. He had failed at something that should have been so easy . He could feel the familiar squeezing of his chest that feeling of being out of control. He struggled against whatever had him strapped down to the bed. He needed to get out of here he needed to find release from these thoughts, from these feelings. Something moved in the corner of his eye but it was too dark to see exactly what. He stopped moving and turned his head squinting through his tears into the darkness to try to see clearer.  
''D-Dean ?'' The voice was quiet and wrecked but Dean knew that voice he would know that voice anywhere and it pained him to hear it so broken.  
''Sammy.'' Dean could hardly recognize his own voice.  
A faint light came on filling the room with color Dean could see Sam now. He wished he couldn't. His eyes were puffy and red, the dark circles and stubble made him look 10 years older than he was. And Dean knew he had caused this. Dean tore his eyes from his brother he didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve the love he could see in Sammy's eyes. He didn't deserve someone here. He didn't deserve to have someone weep over him. And Sam definitely didn't deserve this. He deserved a big brother to take care of him to look up to. Dean bit his bottom lip hard , hard enough to draw blood. He needed to bleed. He needed to feel pain. He couldn't deal with this.

He could feel Sams concerned eyes on him. He had chatted while Dean lay there in silence not saying anything. He wasnt doing much of anything he wouldn't eat he couldn't sleep and he barely drank even when Sam had begged him to he only took two mouthfuls of water. They wouldn't let him leave the hospital until he told them what happened they said he was too much of a risk. He couldn't tell them what happened. They sent a woman in she tried to get him to talk . She smiled a lot but it wasnt a genuine smile. It was full of pity like her eyes. She had a warm soft voice and seemed nice. If Dean wasn't so stubborn he might have talked to her. He thought about it once or twice when she was talking to him. He thought about telling her everything. Why he did it. Why he did everything from the drinking to the self harm. But he didn't. He bit his tongue and waited for her to leave she said she would be back tomorrow. Dean didn't see why she would bother he wasnt going to speak to them. He was going to leave here and he was going to finish this. He wasn't going to fail this time.  
Well at least that had been his plan until they had let Sammy back into the room. He wasn't smiling he had smiled ever since Dean had woken up. Dean knew it was forced that it was for his benefit. Sam knelt next to Deans bed looking him straight in the eye. Dean wanted to look away he didn't want to know how badly he had hurt his brother he had enough to hate himself for he didn't need this too but Sam began to speak before he could.  
''Dean p-please... I'm begging you brother. Talk to them. Talk to someone. I-i found you on the floor. You were barely breathing... Please i want my brother back. Please speak to them. Get help. Let them help you get better .. for me.''  
By the time Sam had finished speaking tears were trailing down his cheeks. His voice had shaken the entire time he had spoken. Dean wanted nothing more than to reach out to comfort his brother. He blinked the tears from his own eyes as he watched his brother beg him to get help.  
''O-okay. I'll do it for you Sammy.''  
Sam smiled at that it was small but at least it was genuine. So Dean spook to the woman the following day. He told her about how he started self harming at 18 when his father John had passed away after he was in a car accident and that Dean was left to care for Sam. He told her how he couldn't ask for help he couldn't seem weak or they would say he was unfit to care for his brother. He told her how it had just become the way he coped after that. He told her about everything that led up to that night how he felt and what he thought. Afterwards she told Dean and Sam that she felt it would be in Deans best interest to stay in hospital as a patient in the psychiatric ward, so he could get the help he needed. They agreed. He would get the help, He would get better and he would do it for Sam.

**New arrival**

Castiel sat on the comfy sofa. He pulled his knees to his chest as the doctor watched him tapping her pen against her pad as she always did when she was nervous. And that made him nervous. She swallowed hard before she spoke.  
''Castiel we have a new patient coming in today. It's suspected he will be here for some time and you know that most of the rooms are full. Well, all are except yours.''  
She paused her eyes searching him for a sign of emotion. He gave nothing away he knew exactly where this was going she wanted him to have a room-mate. He kept his eyes glued to her she was obviously waiting for him to respond he sighed before signing.  
''I know about the new patient and i know what you're going to ask me. You want him to be my room mate.''  
She brought the pen to her lips then pulled it away quickly and returned to tapping it against her pad. ''Would having a room-mate be okay with you Castiel ?''  
Castiel thought for a moment it was known in the hospital that he wasnt social for the main point that he didn't speak. Not because he didn't have anything to say or that he thought no one was worth his time. He literally didn't speak. He was a mute. Well selective mute that's why he was in here. He hadn't spoken since he was 8 years old. He didn't bother to try to communicate with people he had been given a whiteboard and pen to have conversations but people found it frustrating speaking to him. So they didn't.  
''Castiel ?''  
He glanced up at her he must have gotten lost in thought again.  
''I won't mind having a room mate.''  
She nodded smiling obviously pleased that he wasn't being difficult. She put the pad and pen on the small wooden table that was placed between the couch and the armchair she sat in.  
''We'll obviously explain to him your situation'' she glanced at her watch. ''He should be coming in in a minuet if you'd like to meet him before he gets settled into your room.''  
Castiel didn't bother to sign he just nodded. He hadn't shared a room with someone in years. He had shared a room with his older brother Gabriel well up until he was nine after that he had been in and out of places like this every doctor he had seen since then and now had tried everything to help him and still he had shown no sign of progress. But Dr. Adia had never given up on him. He had been here for the last three years and she had never wavered no matter how difficult Castiel had made his treatment she stood by him just as understanding as she had been since the first day he had come here.  
The door clicked open and in walked the most beautiful man Castiel had ever laid his eyes on. He was larger than Castiel. He was well-built, strong arms, rough-looking hands but they were the type of hands that were made to protect and care. He had dirty blonde hair that he had styled and faint freckles littered over his cheeks and nose. But the most beautiful thing about this man were his eyes they were bright green , so full of life.  
Dr. Adia smiled warmly at the man. ''Castiel this is Dean , Dean this is Castiel. You'll be sharing a room during your time here.''  
Dean. Castiel liked that name. Castiel smiled up at Dean and gave him a quick wave before spoke again.  
''Since you are both going to be sharing a room i thought it would be good to spend a bit of time to get to know each other better. Would you like to take a seat Dean.'' She gestured to the couch before she picked up her pad and pen.  
Dean took a seat next to Castiel glancing at him as if he was trying to figure out what type of crazy he was. A lot of people gave him that look he supposed he must seem odd he was young he smiled and over all was happy. So why on earth would he be in a place like this. He laughed, to himself of course he hadn't laughed out loud in years. In fact he had seemed to forgotten what his laugh sounded like perhaps that should bother him more than it does.  
Dr. Adia slid the white board and pen over to Cas giving him an encouraging look. He felt the urge to roll his eyes but didn't he hated using that board people gave him funny looks. He put his feet back to the floor and reached over picking up the board and pen before he began to scribble away. He could feel Dean watching him and he tried to not let that bother him.  
He turned the board so Dean could read what he had written.  
Hello Dean. I'm Castiel and i'm a selective mute.  
Dean read the words silently and carefully before looking up at Castiel.  
''Hey Cas, Im Dean and im ...'' He glanced over to as if looking for some sort of guidance before he continued. ''And i tried to kill myself three days ago.''  
Castiel couldn't help but frown at that. He turned his board around rubbing the words off with the side of his hand before writing his reply.  
why ?  
Dean swallowed hard as he read the board. jumped in before Dean could answer.  
''Castiel that isn't an appropriate question.''  
Castiel could feel his frown deepen he threw the board on the table along with the pen. Dr. Adia sighed as she looked apologetically at Dean.  
''You don't have to speak about that to anyone you don't feel comfortable with Dean.'' her voice was soft. It was the tone she used with patients she thought were having a hard time.  
Dean picked the board up off the table along with the pen. Castiel watched him curiously as he watched Dean read the word over and over before he looked up again.  
''Why dont you speak ?''  
Castiel thought for a moment. No one had asked him that question in a long time even the doctors had stopped asking. They usually just kept track of how he was feeling and how he was coping. He held his hand out to Dean who gave him the board and pen. He wiped away the word the side of his hand was black with ink as he scribbled down something else.  
Whats the point in talking if no one is listening  
Dean grinned he seemingly mused with his answer.  
''Whats the point in living if there's nothing to live for.''


End file.
